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A Single Adult Profile PDF
by Susan Blacksmith
Image SUBMITTED BY DR. LINDA HARDIN

I recently read Now and Not Yet: Making Sense of Single Life in the Twenty-First Century by Jennifer Marshall. Written specifically for women in their 20s and early 30s, the book deals with the questions people experience when life doesn't follow the traditional pattern-marriage and children while in their 20s.

As I read this book, I wondered why it wasn't written for all young adults in this age group. Then I remembered that men and women are typically on a different cycle as we move through life. Young women in this age group are acculturated to have marriage and children as a major goal. Men at this life stage are focused on establishing a career in preparation to support family life. Even with this information, I wonder if men don't experience similar questions at some life stage.

For example, Marshall offers a profile for women living in the tension of "both and," that is, accepting the reality marriage is delayed while maintaining hope it will come. I'm adapting the list and asking you to respond. Let me know what you think, especially the men. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Profile of single adults living in the tension of reality and expectations:

  • They live deliberately. They make choices and decisions from a wide perspective, knowing decisions made now will affect all of life. They invest in others and see life from a broad perspective.

  • They are reflective about their experiences. They use life to learn about their strengths, weaknesses, and rough edges in the personality. They also apply these lessons to improve themselves. They face life's disappointments and manage to live well in the tension of reality and hope.

  • They seek balance in life. They learn the importance of relationships both with family and friends. They understand the need for work and play and seek to balance them.

  • They knew their vulnerabilities and make choices. They recognize the tendency for feelings of loneliness, bitterness, and jealousy. They take steps to overcome these feelings while acknowledging their legitimacy.

  • They view life as an adventure, not a pity party. They understand life as a single person is different, not worse (or better) than married life. When they experience a pity party, they work to keep it short. They want others to recognize the single adult life style is a viable and valued one.

  • They take reality in stride. Unexpected things happen like illness, family crisis, job changes, and so on. They learn to deal with these challenges and use them as growing experiences.

  • They continue to hope for marriage. They understand life as a Christian single adult often narrows the dating field. They also understand the importance of maintaining their Christian standards, even as it limits the dating prospects. In spite of these circumstances, they maintain hope one day they will enter into a Christian marriage.

  • They are encouraged by God at work in their lives. They see how God is using them during the season of singleness, recognizing they have opportunities for ministry they might not be able to pursue if they were married. They also realize their relationship with God often has a deeper dimension than their married friends. They turn to God with issues married people often discuss with their spouses.

  • They have a support and accountability network. They realize the importance of community, whether married or single. They know the importance of openly and honestly talking about the unique challenges of the single adult lifestyle. They also understand other single adults may better understand their need for accountability.

  • They are anchored in God. They have "decided to follow Jesus" with "no turning back." Even when life is challenging, they find hope and security in their relationship with God and trust the future to His guidance.

These are high expectations and ideals. Yet, I think many of us would say this is where we want to live our lives.

Susan Blacksmith is a single adult who enjoys hiking in the mountains and resting by a mountain stream.

Click and download a pdf version of Susan Blacksmith's article: A SINGLE ADULT PROFILE.