"Championship Fathering"¹, authored by Carey Casey, CEO of The National Center for Fathering², points out that an effective father knows the fundamentals: loving, coaching, and modeling, and that these fundamentals are practiced throughout the seasons of life. According to Casey, Championship Fathers aren’t perfect; they just keep practicing and working at these three areas.

Modeling is where our true influence as fathers shows up, because important values are caught more than they are taught. There are over 65 million fathers in America. During the 86,400 seconds of each day, in hundreds of ways, fathers communicate to kids, “Follow me.”

In "On the Road: Mediations for Men Who Travel"³, child and family psychologist Dr. Jeffrey W. Prather reminds men that having an awareness of how our lives affect others is critical. Even when jobs may take us out of our children’s presence, fathers are still influencing and shaping their futures. Literally, Prather states, their decisions will impact the lives of their children forever. Carefully read Dr. Prather’s words and absorb God’s important message

As a psychologist working with young people and parents, and even more so as a father myself, it is important for me to remember that discipline in its root form suggests guidance. Many parents have come to my office over the years to express concerns about the path of their son’s or daughter’s life. Commonly, these parents talk about what they have done in an attempt to intervene with their children: grounding, taking away privileges, offering rewards.

I have also had the opportunity to talk with these young men and women. As they shared their views of family and life; it began to grow clear to me what was happening in many of these situations. These parents wanted their children to be healthy people, to have faith in God, but what was often missing was an appealing example for their children to model.

Research on modeling suggests one of the determining factors as to whether someone will follow a model is how appealing the model is. We are all at least somewhat aware that our children are watching us. They are deciding whether how we act and what we live for is good. Many of the young adults mentioned above did not view the model of the adults in their lives as positive, despite the fact that many of their parents were active Christians.

I have also had the opportunity to meet young people who gladly follow the path of their parents. When I speak to these kids, it quickly becomes apparent they admire their parents. These parents have provided discipline in perhaps its strongest form; a model for what life is about, living for something that is real to them. It has been my experience that young people sense that the world (e.g. beauty, popularity, wealth) is not real. The problem is that often a true example of what is real is not offered.

A child who is given love and limits is offered a model of faith and purpose on the path to knowing meaning and joy in life. As fathers we need to be aware that our children are tuned in to see how we live our lives and that our decisions matter to more than just ourselves. We need to think about “What does my child feel is important to me?” and “Why would my child want to be like me?” Awareness that our life is affecting others is a critical step toward making decisions and creating action that your children are likely to follow.

Our children will follow something. The musical group CSNY suggests “feed them on your dreams.” This idea stays with me as I father my three boy and as I talk with parents and their children. As I watch my boys, I grow more and more aware that I, someone, or something is feeding them. They are developing their conceptions about what is good, about who God is, and about how life should be lived. Though it is sometimes intimidating, I am thankful I am aware . . . that what I do with my time, how I treat my wife, and how I live out my faith directly impacts who my children are becoming.

Philippians 3:14-17