Dr. Paul Tarrant

The only problem with this life is other people – having to live with them; be accountable to them; being expected to agree with them when they are definitely wrong; or to listen to them justifying their actions and attitudes.

I don’t know about you, but there are more days than not when I disagree with someone about something, and on too many of those occasions I have to pretend they have a valid point. The next problem is that I am forced to actually correct some of them rather than allow them to live the delusion. Now that rarely happens with Cathy, my wife. She and I agree about most things. But too often I come across couples where the disagreements brew and ferment into full blown, arguments that threaten the breakdown of the family unit.

We could talk all day about why that happens. My theory includes the thought that in this instant age, if a solution is not instantly available on their own terms, a lot of disgruntled partners seek counsel from the wrong advisors who offer irrational or final suggestions like: “Just leave him” or “Tell her, if she won’t meet you half way, you’ll. . .”

When I hear those ideas I always ask, “And where is ‘half-way?” Half way assumes we are on opposite ends of an agreed line with a definable mid-point, but if you try to define the line it is different for each of the disagreeing parties. Just try it next time you hear the half-way option touted. The problem with this half-way assumption is that it allows us to maintain our pride. We can tell everyone we were willing to meet there, but there was no reciprocal offer.

Jesus’ alternative is too humiliating for most folks. He says, “Be reconciled.” The emphasis in the Matthew 5 passage is that we cannot offer true worship to God and be accepted by Him if there is disagreement with a brother or sister that we could resolve. Jesus says nothing about meeting others half-way. He commands us to get it sorted out (Matthew 5:24).

When St. Paul tells the Romans, “Repay no one evil for evil . . . If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men . . . do not avenge yourselves” (Romans 12:17-19) he is definitely backing up the words of Jesus. We need to give up on anger and the fruits of aggravation. When we are tempted to stop at the half-way point, let’s determine to take on Jesus’ idea and go 100 percent plus of the way. Even St Paul, who often gives us high standards to live by, advises we only expect the high standard of ourselves and cut that other person some slack.

This is to be the age for mercy, welcome, and restoration. We men, in our families, our neighborhoods, our workplaces, our churches need to make it easy for others to reconcile to us, and to God. Can I make reconciliation my goal for this week?

From: Out of the Box blog started by Dr. Paul Tarrant

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